Men - and I don't mean to generalize - are crap. They're the human race's only failed gender. Who needs them? And why are they so difficult to keep hold of? Do you think they realize, that were it not for the genetic imperative to populate the earth, they wouldn't get a date? That's one hell of an inducement: no pressure, girls, but shag one of these or it's curtains for all humankind! That's harassment. But do you know what? Do you know what's even more crap than men? We are more crap than men.... These magazines! A hundred pages of "men are useless bastards," and an article about why you should wake him up with a blow job. Am I alone in spotting the inconsistency here? ~Coupling, "Split," original airdate 23 September 2002, written by Steven Moffat, spoken by the character Susan
Age is like the newest version of a software - it has a bunch of great new features but you lost all the cool features the original version had. ~Carrie Latet
This is the true joy in life - being used for a purpose recognized by yourself as a mighty one; being thoroughly worn out before you are thrown on the scrap heap; being a force of nature instead of a feverish selfish little clod of ailments and grievances complaining that the world will not devote itself to making you happy. ~George Bernard Shaw
If trees could scream, would we be so cavalier about cutting them down? We might, if they screamed all the time, for no good reason. ~Jack Handey
The safest risk is the one you didn't take. ~Author Unknown
Animals can communicate quite well. And they do. And generally speaking, they are ignored. ~Alice Walker
Well, I will find you twenty lascivious turtles ere one chaste man. ~William Shakespeare, The Merry Wives of Windsor, 1601
News is history shot on the wing. ~Gene Fowler, Skyline
People meeting for the first time suddenly relax if they find they both have cats. And plunge into anecdote. ~Charlotte Gray
For safety is not a gadget but a state of mind. ~Eleanor Everet
Reality is the leading cause of stress amongst those in touch with it. ~Jane Wagner
Keep your words soft and tender because tomorrow you may have to eat them. ~Author Unknown
Invent a past for the present. ~Daniel Stern
While God waits for His temple to be built of love, men bring stones. ~Rabindranath Tagore
Mankind must put an end to war, or war will put an end to mankind. ~John F. Kennedy, 1961
Art disturbs, science reassures. ~Georges Braque, Le Jour et la nuit
Most people are bothered by those passages of Scripture they do not understand, but the passages that bother me are those I do understand. ~Mark Twain
Toughness is in the soul and spirit, not in muscles. ~Alex Karras
There is no secret so close as that between a rider and his horse. ~Robert Smith Surtees, "Chapter XXX: Bolting the Badger," Mr. Sponge's Sporting Tour, 1853
Las Vegas - my favorite desert mirage. ~Val Saintsbury
Always walk through life as if you have something new to learn and you will. ~Vernon Howard
The Supreme Court has ruled that they cannot have a nativity scene in Washington, D.C. This wasn't for any religious reasons. They couldn't find three wise men and a virgin. ~Jay Leno
That we find a crystal or a poppy beautiful means that we are less alone, that we are more deeply inserted into existence than the course of a single life would lead us to believe. ~John Berger, The Sense of Sight, 1980
I like a teacher who gives you something to take home to think about besides homework. ~Lily Tomlin as "Edith Ann"
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