funny quotes about liars

When I'm at a Chinese restaurant having a hard time with chopsticks, I always hope that there's a Chinese kid at an American restaurant somewhere who's struggling mightily with a fork. ~Rick Budinich



Truth has very few friends and those few are suicides. ~Antonio Porchia, Voces, 1943, translated from Spanish by W.S. Merwin



Lying in bed would be an altogether perfect and supreme experience if only one had a colored pencil long enough to draw on the ceiling. ~G.K. Chesterton



Me and ice cream. Best friends forever. ~Jessi Lane Adams



Stand up, on this Thanksgiving Day, stand upon your feet. Believe in man. Soberly and with clear eyes, believe in your own time and place. There is not, and there never has been a better time, or a better place to live in. ~Phillips Brooks



Lesbianism has always seemed to me an extremely inventive response to a shortage of men, but otherwise not worth the trouble. ~Nora Ephron, Heartburn, 1983



Life lived for tomorrow will always be just a day away from being realized. ~Leo Buscaglia



If you want to test your memory, try to recall what you were worrying about one year ago today. ~E. Joseph Cossman



If you will protest courageously, and yet with dignity and Christian love, when the history books are written in future generations, the historians will have to pause and say, "There lived a great people - a black people - who injected new meaning and dignity into the veins of civilization." This is our challenge and our overwhelming responsibility. ~Martin Luther King, Jr., address to Holt Street Baptist Church, 5 December 1955



The thoughts of Plato and Machiavelli... don't seem quite enough armor for a world beset with splitting the atoms, urban guerrillas, nineteen varieties of psychotherapists, amplified guitars, napalm, computers, astronauts, and an atmosphere polluted simultaneously with auto exhaust and TV commercials. ~John Fischer



We say we love flowers, yet we pluck them. We say we love trees, yet we cut them down. And people still wonder why some are afraid when told they are loved. ~Author Unknown



Good code is its own best documentation. As you're about to add a comment, ask yourself, "How can I improve the code so that this comment isn't needed?" ~Steve McConnell



I am thankful for all the complaining I hear about our government because it means we have freedom of speech. ~Nancie J. Carmody



For a long time I thought I wanted to be a nun. Then I realized that what I really wanted to be was a lesbian. ~Mabel Maney



All I pay my psychiatrist is the cost of feed and hay, and he'll listen to me any day. ~Author Unknown



An onion can make people cry, but there has never been a vegetable invented to make them laugh. ~Will Rogers



Getting down on all fours and imitating a rhinoceros stops babies from crying. (Put an empty cigarette pack on your nose for a horn and make loud "snort" noises.) I don't know why parents don't do this more often. Usually it makes the kid laugh. Sometimes it sends him into shock. Either way it quiets him down. If you're a parent, acting like a rhino has another advantage. Keep it up until the kid is a teenager and he definitely won't have his friends hanging around your house all the time. ~P.J. O'Rourke



American football makes rugby look like a Tupperware party. ~Sue Lawley, 1985



I've yet to be on a campus where most women weren't worrying about some aspect of combining marriage, children, and a career. I've yet to find one where many men were worrying about the same thing. ~Gloria Steinem



Sunday clears away the rust of the whole week. ~Joseph Addison