funny quotes and sayings for teenagers

The winds and waves are always on the side of the ablest navigators. ~Edward Gibbon, The Decline and Fall of the Roman Empire



A wise saying is something you keep picking up off the floor in front of your fridge. ~Robert Brault, www.robertbrault.com



Hornover: what one wakes up with the morning after a night of getting too horny without release. ~Sommeil Liberosensa



The two rules of procrastination: 1) Do it today. 2) Tomorrow will be today tomorrow. ~Author Unknown



"If you don't know what you want," the doorman said, "you end up with a lot you don't." ~Chuck Palahniuk, Fight Club, Chapter 5



Let the dead bury their dead. ~Matthew 8:22



I have sometimes been wildly, despairingly, acutely miserable, but through it all I still know quite certainly that just to be alive is a grand thing. ~Agatha Christie



Nicotine patches are great. Stick one over each eye and you can't find your cigarettes. ~Author Unknown



Happiness is a function of accepting what is. ~Werner Erhard



There are three modes of bearing the ills of life: by indifference, by philosophy, and by religion. ~Charles Caleb Colton



Marriage is an alliance entered into by a man who can't sleep with the window shut, and a woman who can't sleep with the window open. ~George Bernard Shaw



Man will begin to recover the moment he takes art as seriously as physics, chemistry or money. ~Ernst Levy



All problems become smaller if you don't dodge them but confront them. ~William F. Halsey



We pretend to work because they pretend to pay us. ~Author Unknown



Las Vegas is Everyman's cut-rate Babylon. Not far away there is, or was, a roadside lunch counter and over it a sign proclaiming in three words that a Roman emperor's orgy is now a democratic institution. "Topless Pizza Lunch." ~Alistair Cooke



Having sex is like playing bridge. If you don't have a good partner, you'd better have a good hand. ~Woody Allen



The problem in the world today is communication. Too much communication. ~The Simpsons by Matt Groening, spoken by the character Homer Simpson



Capital punishment: The income tax. ~Jeff Hayes



Fathers send their sons to college either because they went to college or they didn't. ~L.L. Hendren



If you see ten troubles coming down the road, you can be sure that nine will run into the ditch before they reach you. ~Calvin Coolidge