funny quotes that will make you laugh

The secret to mountain biking is pretty simple. The slower you go the more likely it is you'll crash. ~Julie Furtado



May Peace be your gift at Christmas and your blessing all year through! ~Author Unknown



Now the melancholy God protect thee, and the tailor make thy garments of changeable taffeta, for thy mind is opal. ~William Shakespeare, The Twelfth Night



If you are not as close to God as you used to be, who moved? ~Author Unknown



To most outsiders, modern mathematics is unknown territory. Its borders are protected by dense thickets of technical terms; its landscapes are a mass of indecipherable equations and incomprehensible concepts. Few realize that the world of modern mathematics is rich with vivid images and provocative ideas. ~Ivars Peterson



Endurance is frequently a form of indecision. ~Elizabeth Bibesco, Haven, 195



Love all, trust a few, do wrong to none. ~William Shakespeare



We've begun to raise daughters more like sons... but few have the courage to raise our sons more like our daughters. ~Gloria Steinem



Though I am always in haste, I am never in a hurry. ~John Wesley



Don't be yourself - be someone a little nicer. ~Mignon McLaughlin, The Second Neurotic's Notebook, 1966



If malice or envy were tangible and had a shape, it would be the shape of a boomerang. ~Charley Reese



When I free my body from its clothes, from all their buttons, belts, and laces, it seems to me that my soul takes a deeper, freer breath. ~August Strindberg



My mother said it was simple to keep a man, you must be a maid in the living room, a cook in the kitchen and a whore in the bedroom. I said I'd hire the other two and take care of the bedroom bit. ~Jerry Hall



The future lies before you, like paths of pure white snow. Be careful how you tread it, for every step will show. ~Author Unknown



The proper behavior all through the holiday season is to be drunk. This drunkenness culminates on New Year's Eve, when you get so drunk you kiss the person you're married to. ~P.J. O'Rourke



Grace isn't a little prayer you chant before receiving a meal. It's a way to live. ~Attributed to Jacqueline Winspear



Wednesdays are like Mondays in the middle of the week! ~Lee Fox Williams



Desert rains are usually so definitely demarked that the story of the man who washed his hands in the edge of an Arizona thunder shower without wetting his cuffs seems almost credible. ~Administration in the State of Arizona, U.S. public relief program, 1935-1943



A ruffled mind makes a restless pillow. ~Charlotte Bronte



One must spend time in gathering knowledge to give it out richly. ~Edward C. Steadman